


White Coats

by mhunter10



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 17:46:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 12,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhunter10/pseuds/mhunter10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey lands himself in a place where he's surrounded by 'white coats' watching his every move. Are they there to help him, though? Does he want help?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Episode 1

When Mickey came to, he found himself staring up into the darkness. It wasn’t pitch black, but he could tell it was nighttime. The moon shown in through the single barred window set high on the cinder-block wall, not big enough for anyone to fit through even if they could reach it. The walls were painted so white it seemed like they were glowing.

His eyes hurt.

A lot.

And his body. His left arm. It was on fire. It was burning and felt soaked in warmness, but he couldn’t move it. He couldn’t move at all. There was a sheet over him that came up to his torso, but it wasn’t what was holding him down, keeping him from getting up and running face-first into the hard white surroundings. His head was starting to hurt now as his memories surged in his mind. He was thirsty. So thirsty.

He had to get up. He wanted to get up. He was starting to remember why his arm was stinging and leaking next to him, and he wanted to see it. He needed to see what he did.

Mickey began breathing hard and moaning. His throat hurt like he’d been screaming someone’s name at the top of his lungs over and over and over again, but couldn’t make anybody hear him. He started wailing weakly, his voice cracking and strained, but he got louder and louder as much as he could until a door opened on his right and a blast of light flooded in and blinded him. He tried to shield his eyes, but he was still strapped down. He started yanking at the straps with his good arm, but his body hurt too much and someone was coming closer and he didn’t want them to touch him. He didn’t want anybody touching him. Everybody knew that. Why did they act like they didn’t know that? He pulled harder and tried to twist his body around in the bed, but he couldn’t get any leverage. The figure was standing over him now and mumbling behind that stupid mask. _Stop talking! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!_

A prick.

Then Mickey started to feel cold and slow and weak. He wasn’t tugging so hard, wasn’t howling so vehemently. His eyes and body were getting heavier and heavier, arms and legs numbing until he couldn’t even feel them. He wasn’t even sure they were there anymore. Even his fingernails and hair felt gone, floating and drifting away just like his thoughts.

Mickey’s head fell limp, as he watched the figure leave and close the door; the room and him simultaneously dropping into complete darkness.


	2. Episode 2

“Mickey, are you ready to talk now?”

No.

“Okay. Good,”

You fucking dipshit.

“Do you remember what happened?”

Unfortunately, you fucking dipshit.

“You were punished for your actions two days ago. Ms. Elizabeth is new here and was only trying to help you. You really hurt Ms. Elizabeth, Mickey, but she’s going to be fine.”

Didn’t ask, you fucking dipshit.

“Don’t feel bad. She told me to tell you that she forgives you. Isn’t that nice, Mickey?”

She shouldn’t have touched me. Nobody touches me.

“Why did you react that way to her, Mickey? Was it something she did?”

Shouldn’t have looked like that… said that…

“She’s a very pretty young lady, Mickey. Don’t you think? Does she make you feel things? Does she make you excited, Mickey?”

…..

“How did you get the weapon, Mickey?”

I took it from your office, you fucking dipshit.

“Mickey, why did you hurt yourself? Hm? I want to talk about what happened to your arm.”

You make it sound like a fucking accident. It didn’t happen to me, I did it! I fucking did it! I did this!

“No, no, Mickey, don’t mess with the bandages, or you’ll irritate it. It needs to heal. No, I don’t need to see it. I just want to talk about what it says.”

No.

“Mickey, let’s talk about that name. Hm?”

No…no no…

“Mickey, who is Ian?”

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOO NOOOO NOOOOOO NOOOOO

“Nurse! I need a nurse in here! Get the cart!”


	3. Episode 3

“Months of playing the lifeless mute, sitting around with that fucking vacant look on your face. Boy, you had us all fooled, huh? Thought you could sit by and mutter under your breath at the rest of us, like we were worse off than you, when all this time you’ve been nothing but a sick bastard who beats on women. Look here, boys, we got us a woman hater! Ha!”

Mickey didn’t look up. He took another spoonful of oatmeal and shoved it into his mouth, chewing through the overcooked bits.

“Look at him. He can’t even look a real man in the face.” Another guy.

“Yeah. He’s the goddamn scum of the earth.” And another. What the hell was this, Grease? WestSide Story?

“They say guys who hit on women didn’t have good relationships with their moms.” How many guys were in this straight-jacket gang?

Mickey scooped up more of the semi-cold mush and put it in his mouth. He was savoring the feel of the snotty colloidal sliding down his raw throat, when the first guy snatched the bowl out from under him and upturned it onto the table, its contents slowly splatting onto the surface like shit.

“Is that it, Mr. Mouse? Did your mommy touch you down there?” Now where the hell did he come from? Why was no one eating their breakfast?

“What’s wrong with you? Ms. Elizabeth didn’t do nothing to your psycho ass. You don’t like pretty girls with red hair and green eyes? Hell, she can give me a sponge bath anytime! Right boys?” Now they’re all fucking laughing.

“But no, maybe you do like the pretty things with pale skin and little freckles everywhere, tall with nice long legs…” The first guy was practically leaning into the oatmeal now, trying to get into Mickey’s face. His eyes flicked onto Mickey’s left arm, acknowledging he’d heard the rumors. “…a dick between them.”

Mickey didn’t think.

He grabbed the guy by the back of his head roughly, took the spoon in his hand and jammed the end of it into the guy’s eye socket, twisting slightly. Before he could shove it any further though, arms were wrapping around him and wrestling him into a tight hold on the floor. Mickey was laughing loudly.

Where the hell were these nurses when his breakfast got bothered?


	4. Episode 4

“So we’re not going to talk about his sudden increase in violent activity?”

“I didn’t say we weren’t going to talk about it. I just said I’m dealing with a lot right now. There are other patients here, Dr. Vikrum.”

“I know that! You don’t think I know that, Hildie? But how many of them have gone from not doing anything since their arrival, to stabbing other patients with utensils?”

“I’ll admit that was worrisome…”

“Worrisome? Look what he did to his arm! I mean, the amount of blood alone should have killed him, if not the pain. I can’t fathom he actually thought it would all fit, but I’m glad we got in there before he tried!”

“Yes. It was quite a mess. We went through three gallons of bleach.”

“And what about what he did to Ms. Walsh? She’s been out of the hospital for days, but she won’t return any of our calls!”

“I knew she didn’t seem up to the job. They get these little girls fresh from nursing school with their still wet boo-boo-patching diplomas…”

“But it wasn’t just that she was maybe a little under-qualified. Do you want to know what I think?”

“Oh, please, Erik, do tell. This should be good.”

“Now now, Hildie hear me out. I think she did it. She triggered something in him. Or maybe he’d been stewing in it for weeks, and she just happened to be the cherry on top.”

“And he continues not to talk in your sessions?”

“Well, you said yourself it’s not what they say, but how they react.”

“And how did he react when you suggested he wanted to be sexual with Elizabeth?”

“It was fleeting, but I believe I caught a twitch…”

“A twitch?”

“Yes. So we’re either closer to figuring out his sexual proclivities as they tie into his past or not even in the same universe.”

“How did you ever get a doctorate?”

“Oh hush, you’re just as baffled by him as the rest of us.”

“You’re right. Did you get anything about…you know, the name?”

“Well he seems to be letting it heal. He hasn’t ripped the bandages off since the last five times, at least. But I haven’t got any further with that. It causes him great distress.”

“If you call flailing like a fish out of water and wailing like a cat in heat ‘distressed’.”

“How is Mr. Thomas?”

“He’s recovered, but checked himself out of rehab to spend time with his remaining eye. If I knew all it took was a well-placed spoon to get that alcoholic buffoon out of here, I would have done it myself.”

“Mrs. Drescher!”

“Anyway, he’s scared the shit out of half the patients, sometimes literally, with his latest outburst. I’ve never seen anyone break one of those metal chairs.”

“Yes, well. As long as no one was physically hurt this time, I’d say he’s becoming more aware of his actions. That’s good. We’ll work on it.”

“Yes. Did you still want me to talk to Milo?”

“Yes. I think Mr. Buhrwin said he may have an open spot for him. I really think this could be the thing that gets us closer.”

“Closer to what exactly, Erik?”

“Mickey Milkovich.”


	5. Episode 5

Mickey stepped away from the spray and opened his eyes. Droplets of water clung to his eyelashes and skin. The water was pelting him, as the steam rose all around him. It was burning his left arm so much that he held it against him, trying to shield it, but the stinging was more internal. The steam was just exacerbating it. He held it out in front of him and watched the beads navigate their way through the raised scars, an impossible path of hastily intricate slashes lined black with dried blood and new tissue. He rubbed at the stickiness left by the tape holding on his bandages, hoping the water would loosen it from his skin. He didn’t understand why they kept covering it like he didn’t already know what was there. They’d insisted it needed healing, but that was exactly what he was doing. He could already feel its affects opening and closing him up at the same time. They were all just fucking stupid.

Mickey began to sink down the wall of the shower. His naked body shivered as it touched the bottom, disrupting the flowing pattern of the pink water swirling down the drain. He was sleepy.

Mickey looked down at his arm as he cradled it to him.

He was with him now.

I A N G A L L A

Was with him now.


	6. Episode 6

“Hey, Loretta, how about this to go with the lunch today?”

“Oh, Mable, no. Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

“It’s just Jell-o! C’mon, Lor, the boys’ll like it…”

“No, May. I’m not having that stuff anywhere near that Milkovich boy. At least not on my shift. That boy is plenty disturbed without you bringing out the jiggly desserts. No, we’ll do cookies.”

“We always do cookies!”

“We had chocolate cake yesterday, Mable.”

“Well, what’s the boy still got against Jell-o? Maybe he’s over it.”

“Yeah, and maybe I can afford dry cleaning and a new wig. Don’t laugh!”

“I’m sorry, Loretta. We’ll do the cookies.”

“Alright. Now help me with these pans of lasagna.”

///////

Why is she coming over here?

Don’t touch me!

“I’m sorry, honey! I forgot…”

You don’t have to pull your hand away like that. I don’t bite….anymore.

“Now Mickey, honey, Mable made you this special. Okay? Just for you. Ms. Loretta say not to give you none, but I know you’ll like mine. She don’t have to know. Alright?”

….

“Go on, try some. It’s okay.”

This is….good…

“That’s it, honey. It’s good, right?”

Yes. Now go away…please.

“Alright, alright! I’m going. Finish up now, lunch is almost over. Just leave it when you’re done, and Mable get it for you.”

Wait! You smell….nice

“Let go now, Mickey. Honey, let me go. You’re hurting Mable’s wrist, Mickey…”

Don’t pull away! Everyone stop pulling away!

“Mickey, honey, please!”

I thought you weren’t scared… Leave.

“Alright now, Mickey. I won’t tell. I won’t tell. Finish up.”

Thanks for the Jell-o.


	7. Episode 7

“You can call me Milo, Mickey.”

“I don’t like people touching me either. Too many germs…”

“You think I’m silly for working here then, huh? But that’s why I’m the ‘artistic expression specialist’.”

“That’s a fancy name around here for ‘I’m not a doctor’.”

“Can I see what you’re painting?”

“Ohh, yes. That’s brilliant. Pure genius…”

“Sorry about that. My supervisor, Miranda, she likes to observe me at work. This is actually pretty shit.”

“But you knew that. Didn’t you?”

“Yeah. You know what they’re saying when they talk about you. They always think they’re the smart ones in here, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Artie’s been doing empty pill bottles for years, so naturally that means give him more drugs.”

“They’ll be analyzing this one for weeks, though. Good job. Put your name if you want.”

“Tomorrow we’ll be drawing. But no pencils! I might get stabbed!”

“Although, I hear you prefer spoons.”

“News travels even faster in here than it does out there, which reminds me I have to stop and get the newspaper on my way home. Didn’t get a chance this morning.”

“That’s a nice shirt. Is that regulation white? Nice. It suits you. This sweater? I’ve worn it all week, and I don’t think anyone’s noticed. It’s down-right rude.”

“Anyway. I think Mason is now introducing his tastebuds to acrylic, so maybe I should stop him. What do you think? Yeah? Alright, I’ll do it.”

“If you need anything at all, Mickey, come to me. If I do anything you don’t like, hit me over the head.”

“But I should warn you, I know Kung Pow Chicken and I will lay you the fuck out.”

 

Come back


	8. Episode 8

“I’ll flip you for it…”

“How about you just do it?”

“No, c’mon, Maria! I’m not going in there. I just can’t deal with him today.”

“I heard he’s been pretty good lately…”

“And what exactly is the range for crazy people?”

“Gina, you’re not supposed to call them that.”

“But they are! Especially him! I mean, did you just forget about what he did to Liz?”

“I think that was something different…”

“Does it matter? I saw him grab one of the lunch ladies the other day!”

“You did not.”

“I did to! She’s just a sweet old lady!”

“She’s not old, Gi, she’s like fourty-something…”

“Whatever. I’m not going in there.”

“Look, why don’t you just take Lenny with you? Just in case?”

“I can’t put him in danger…”

“Because you two are fucking?”

“Shh! You’re not supposed to know about that.”

“Gina, even the patients know. And they’re crazy.”

“Oh, it’s okay when you do it?”

“No, I was just making a point. Just go in, do what you have to do, and get out.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“I’ve been here longer than you. We’ve had worse. Maybe he’ll be asleep, or out.”

“You say ‘out’ like he could just walk out of here and go to the mall.”

“He’s already gotten into several of the doctors’ offices, why not?”

“Oh, Maria! Don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry, sorry. The place is perfectly locked down….”

“Thank you.”

“…With us inside.”

“Maria! Will you come with me? Please?”

“Fine, girl! Stop pulling on me. Put these towels in Mr. Tony’s room and we’ll go together.”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

///////

“Gi? Gina, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost! What happened in there?”

“I went in…and did what I had to do.”

“But I heard you shriek. Did he do something?”

“He was doing something, alright. They tell you to just ignore them…if they’re…..but I didn’t think…”

“Gi, you’re scaring me. What exactly happened? What was he doing?”

“He was naked…and..”

“And what?”

“Do I need to say? He was just there…going for it. Like I hadn’t even walked in, except he looked right at me.”

“He looked at you and just kept at it?”

“Yeah, but it was only a glance.”

“Why didn’t you come back out?”

“I…I don’t know…”

“Gina?”

“It was…I don’t know. He definitely didn’t look crazy.”

“Oh, girl, are you going to tell Lenny?”

“Hell no! He’d just get jealous.”

“Why?”

“Because his is smaller.”

“Oh my God! Gina, you looked?”

“How could I not? It was big.”

“Well, I hope you left him an extra towel.”

“Oh, Maria!”

“C’mon, let’s go tell Robbie! He’s gonna freak!”


	9. Episode 9

“Oh yes. He did that one on the first day. Quite good, right?”

“Mr. Buhrwin, are you not intrigued by what it is a picture of?”

“I can’t say that I myself swing that way, Dr. Vikrum, so no I’m not.”

“You know what I meant, Milo. This is highly suggestive, don’t you think?”

“It’s a phallus.”

“Yes, I know what it is. But why do you think he painted it?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. It’s not the first time a patient has chosen to depict genitalia in my class, Erik. I suppose he was just having a bit of fun. You guys don’t give him enough credit. Any of these guys, really.”

“Yes, we all are well aware of your opinions on our methods here. That is not the point…”

“Then please, sir, get to it.”

“The point is one of the cleaning staff caught him mastur-“

“Yes! Thank you, Hildie. We needn’t say that word.”

“Well, I’d hardly say someone not bothering to knock is considered getting caught. It was his room, wasn’t it? Because how many times has Ben whipped it out where he stood?”

“We’re not here to talk about Ben.”

“No. We’re not, Hildie. We’re here to talk about a painting that was clearly meant to be a joke. A bit of fun.”

“Clearly?”

“Fun?”

“Yes. We discussed it.”

“He talked to you?”

“Well, no. Of course not. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening.”

“Milo, why don’t you just tell us what you think of all this, so we can get it out of the way? Hm?”

“I thought you’d never ask, Mrs. Drescher. If you’ll look at the other works in his folder, they’re clearly not all sexually based. Granted…a lot of them are…”

“Great! Now he’s gone from frighteningly violent, to disturbingly sexual…”

“And now…”

“I suppose you would get a little frisky too, Hildie, if someone kept trying to figure you out.”

“What are you suggesting, Mr. Buhrwin, that we…that we…”

“Look, we’ve seen him change drastically in these last few weeks than at any point since he got here. You couldn’t have got comfortable with the idea that he wouldn’t crack eventually. You know they all do. We know this. What matters is how. What matters is why.”

“But why now? And why this way?”

“Good questions. But they won’t get us any closer to helping him, or had we forgot what it is we’re supposed to be doing here?”

“Milo…”

“Look at them all. Go on. What do you see?”

“Well I’m not telling you what that one is of..”

“I didn’t ask you to tell me what they were individually. You’re missing the point. What do they all have in common?”

“They’re bodyparts…”

“They’re all done in red or orange!”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Have you ever taken art, Erik? Had a mood ring? Fucking picked out a wall color for your mansion?”

“Language…”

“Yes, but I don’t…”

“You can’t be saying that he’s angry, because we all know he’s angry, Milo.”

“Red can be blood. Orange, fire, hair…”

“Hair?”

“Elizabeth!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“No?”

“Maybe at that time, but certainly not before the incident. This is an old wound.”

“Don’t start with that yoga, spiritual crap. You’re saying whoever screwed him up was a redhead.”

“If we’re not being imaginative, yes. But he did these too.”

“Spots?”

“Purple spots.”

“Purple spots on the same exact paintings.”

“And red is blood…”

“Now we’re getting somewhere, doctors! Whew! When’s lunch?”

“Mr. Buhrwin, sit down. We’re not finished here. There’s still the matter of his current state.”

“Might I suggest a box of tissues?”

“You’re impossible!”

“Thank you, Hildie. I try very hard.”

“I’m sure you find this all very fun and fascinating or whatever, Mr. Buhrwin, but we have a serious matter here.”

“I hardly think crying is a serious matter, Erik. When’s the last time you had a good one, huh? I myself had one after you called this meeting.”

“For a week?”

“No more mozzarella sticks in the cafeteria?”

“Milo, he’s been crying for almost a week straight. We can’t get him to stop or respond…”

“That’s nothing new…”

“And it’s not over the lunch menu!”

“Well, I suppose he’s stopped when you weren’t around, otherwise he would have dehydrated himself, right? Look, just let it run its course. He’ll get tired eventually. Then we’ll see what to do from there.”

“I’m going to tell Robbie to up his dosages.”

“That’s it, Hildie! Give him more. Maybe this time it won’t be the shower he falls asleep in.”

“I want to give him more sessions with you. One on one this time.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Because he talks to me?”

“He doesn’t talk to anyone, Mr. Buhrwin…”

“You sure? Maybe you aren’t paying attention. It could be in his head.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it? His head.”

“Looks fine to me…”

“We’ll start immediately. You get something different from him than we do. I want the sessions recorded and put on file. Mrs. Drescher, have Mr. Milkovich moved to watch-room one fifty.”

“I knew a guy named Mickey. He had a dog called Pluto…”

“Please leave, Mr. Buhrwin.”


	10. Episode 10

It won’t stop.

Why won’t it stop?

Please stop.

Please?

Mickey curled up tighter on the mattress to try to control the convulsive shaking. He could do nothing for his raucous wails echoing and bouncing off the walls back at him, and pounding into his head. His nose hurt so much. His face was a mess of snotty wetness, and yet it continued. His stomach kept spinning around and his heart ached inside his chest. It was beating way too fast. No straps to keep him from ripping out any more of his hair. He was naked. As soon as he’d been placed on the bed in the tiny room with the mirror-glass set to stare at him. He didn’t want to feel his clothes on him. The fibers were scratching at his insides and making them sore and melty. Nobody came in to put them back on. He presses himself closer to the wall, as the tears flowed out of him on a relentless conveyer belt of pain. They just keep staring.

 

Staring staring staring.

 

STOP IT!

 

STOP FUCKING STARING!

 

fuck

 

stop

 

Mickey brings his arm to his lips and laps at the steadily-fading letters. Running his tongue on them roughly.

 

don’t go

 

please?

 

make it stop

 

don’t


	11. Episode 11

“Man, Gina asked me over tonight. I could be fucking her into her mattress right now, but instead I’m here watching this psycho lick his arm!”

“Maybe nudging her into it…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing…just, nothing.”

“What? What’d she say about me?”

“Nothing, man! I swear!”

“Then wipe that smirk off your face.”

“Alright, alright.”

“She was acting a little weird today after her rounds…”

“Mh?”

“Whatever. Probably just her period.”

“Sure.”

“God, does he have to be naked? I’m going in there to make him put his clothes back on.”

“No. Just let him alone. It’s not like anyone can see him in there.”

“Except for us. But you probably like it, huh?”

“I’m gay, Lenny, not crazy.”

“C’mon! Look at him, he’s hung! I bet you love this job. Don’t lie!”

“Yeah, Lenny. I love getting my face and arms scratched and bitten trying to get grown men to swallow a few pills. It’s great having to get shots every other week in case one of them is rabid. Woohoo!”

“Hey, if you can’t get a guy to swallow, no one can!”

“Shut up.”

“Jesus, this guy is a pussy. Is he still crying? How is that even possible?”

“You wouldn’t be calling him a pussy if you saw what he did to Vikrum. One day that guy’s gonna push a bit too hard. As far as the crying, I don’t know. The new stuff should be kicking in in a bit…if it hasn’t completely been cried out.”

“Fuckin’ hell. I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

“Join the club. We have straight-jackets!”

“Man, how long have you been waiting to say that?”

“Not long enough.”

“What is he doing now? Oh shit! Is he trying to lift the bed?”

“He can’t. It’s bolted down.”

“Dude, he’s coming over to the glass!”

“You don’t think I see that, Lenny? Calm down, he can’t break it.”

“Well that doesn’t seem to be stopping him from trying! How is he so angry? He was just crying like a bitch a minute ago!”

“I don’t know, man…I think I might have to dose him again…”

“Oh fuck no! Is he hard? What is he yelling?”

“It sounds like that name on his arm, but I’m not sure….ah shit, he’s gone and made it bleed. I gotta get in there.”

“He’s wiping blood all over the mirror! Don’t leave me here, Robbie!”

“I have to stop him before he…wait…he looks like he’s about to—“

“About to what?”

 

“Pass out.”


	12. Episode 12

“I think it’s going to be remembered as ‘The Smack Heard ‘Round the Ward’. What do you think?”

“I would have gone for more of a closed-hand approach, but maybe next time, huh?”

“Did you see they brought back mozzarella sticks in the cafeteria? It just goes to show what a little crying can do. Now, if they can just get Mr. Wong to stop throwing the cheese on the ceiling, we should be fine.”

“Next time you’re there, tell Mable to give you an extra apple crumble, on me. You look like you haven’t eaten in two days!”

“I myself prefer the burnty bits at the bottom of the pan. Everyone always wants to throw those away, but I like them just fine. People miss out on a lot when they think something is nasty based on how it looks, or acts.”

“Do you want to see a picture of my dog? I’ve got it here in my wallet. Her name is Rosey. She’s an Italian greyhound.”

“Go on, you can hold it. Isn’t she the cutest? That’s her favorite squeaky toy.”

“Oh! And here’s one of my parakeet. I call her Benitta, but I really have no clue if she’s a boy or a girl. I suspect trans.”

“Here’s me down in Australia on vacation, what….Two years ago? Yeah. Do you like shrimp? Because it turns out they don’t actually throw it on the barbecue as much as people think they do.”

“That bathing-suit is awful, right? C’mon, I can take it! It’s terrible. What was I thinking, huh?”

“I should have been knocked out by a kangaroo for wearing it, but they were so far away from the Jeep I barely got the picture you’re holding there.”

“That’s me and a couple of my buddies in Germany. Have you been? It’s really amazing there. And everything outside the Red district was cool too, I guess.”

“No, I’m just joking. They kicked me out the first night, but only because I made a girl cry by analyzing the way she danced. She was lucky I didn’t tell her what her choice in G-string color meant.”

“That’s my old art teacher. He was bat-shit crazy. No, really. He made us paint with guano on numerous occasions. Those were the days I actually showered in college.”

“Do you want another piece of candy? Don’t be shy, I’ve got plenty. Take a handful. There you go.”

“When you get as old as me, hard-candy just gets hardwired into your system. You don’t have a choice. And by old I mean about thirty-three. Give or take.”

“You like that one, huh? You can hang onto it. I should bring her in one day. They allow pets here, right? No? Well then don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“Yes, I realize this is recorded. Thank you.”

“What’s that one? Let me see…”

“Oh.”

“That is…Edie. She is…was my…”

“Beautiful…”

“She was so beautiful. And fun. And funny, she was always laughing. She had the most infectious laugh.”

“But then she stopped…and the doctors…they couldn’t…”

“Every time I visited they told me more bullshit. She wasn’t talking, wasn’t eating. She was always so angry. So angry.”

“But then she was getting better. Cooperating. Taking her medication, but they didn’t know. They didn’t notice…”

“They weren’t watching her…”

“Then it was too late.”

 

“I think we’ll end the session here for now, Mickey. You can go.”

 

I’m sorry about her.


	13. Episode 13

Mickey slides down in the corner of the room, splaying his shaky legs out in front of him. He’s still a bit achy and his stomach is still turning a bit. Even though he flushed away his puke, the stench starts to permeate the enclosed area, making him feel nauseous. He couldn’t possibly get anything else up his esophagus; it’s so raw. He can taste the blood where the soft lining has started to tear from the violent eruption of stomach acid. His mouth tastes horrible. He wants some of that chocolate milk in a carton from the cafeteria, but nobody knows that. They keep bringing him water and more pills. Don’t they understand he’s done taking pills? Fucking done. No more. He doesn’t want it. They can’t make him.

Except he’s so weak and wobbly. The knot on his head from hitting the floor has gone down considerably, but there’s this lingering tingle that is hurting his skull. All his thoughts are pressing there. They’re pooling and not draining like his shitty backed-up sink, and it really hurts. They looked him over for hours.

Always poking

and prodding

and probing.

Constantly trying to go where they can’t, where they shouldn’t.

Where they’re not fucking wanted, and still only scrabbling at the surface from a safe distance.

Mickey drags his legs up slowly and wraps his blankets tighter around him, burying himself inside until he can only peak out a small slit between the folds. There’s no windows in here. He misses his room where he could watch the dust particles float around in the sporadic rays that manage to find his little window.

His little link to the outside world.

In here there are only smalls beams that shine through him.

All he wants is some fucking goddamn chocolate fucking milk in a carton.

 

Now.


	14. Episode 14

“Oh, Mickey! What are you doing out?”

That’s right. Here I am. Out of my cage. Grrrrr….

“Come on over here, honey. You’re not supposed to be just wandering around here like this. Here, come on, let’s go back to where you’re supposed to be.”

I don’t want to be anywhere but here, please.

“Mickey, you need to go back to your room, or they’ll be real upset. How did you even get out of there?”

Please don’t take me back! Please! Please don’t…don’t

“Alright, alright. Mickey, please! C’mon don’t pull your hair like that. Oh, look at you. No socks on, no shirt. You must be freezing. Let me wrap this around you, baby. There. That’s better.”

Don’t take me back! Please please please. I can’t….Don’t make me

“Don’t worry, Mickey. I got you.”

Please

“Okay, let’s go back here to the kitchen. Mable got you.”

No no no lights!

“Alright. You sit right here on this stool and don’t move. Don’t move, hear?”

Don’t go far…

“Now, is this what you came here for? Ah, Mable knew. Sometimes they act so silly around here, acting like they don’t know what ya’ll want. You can’t say it any plain as day, can you? No, you can’t.”

Ahhhh….this feels good….this feels good…this feels

“Oh, goodness, Mickey. Now you’ve gone and put it all over yourself. What are you thinking, honey? Now I’m going to have to clean this up. Oh, Jesus, they’re gonna have me for this.”

Nooo….it feels good..it feels soo good…stop it! Don’t touch me! Don’t do it! No! Fuck!

“Oh, Mickey! I’m sorry! Please! I had to!”

Damn it damn it damn it! Noo….

“Get a hold of him now!”

“No! Don’t hurt him! He’s fine! I just lost my footing! I’m sorry, honey!”

“Ah! He bit me!”

“Oh, baby, stop now. Don’t make it worse!”

“Get him on the ground!”

“Are you alright, ma’am? What else did he do to you?”

“Yes, I’m fine! I just fell! Please be careful! He just wanted some milk…”

“Yeah, we got him, Doc. He was in the cafeteria….What? Okay, we’ll bring him that way. Have everything set up. He’s going off.”

“What are you gonna do to him? Don’t you dare take that boy in there!”

“Ma’am please get back until the patient is subdued! It’s good you buzzed in when you did…”

 

you…

“Oh, Mickey, don’t fight. Please!”

 

You did this…

“I’m so sorry, honey. I had to. I had to!”

 

no…

“Oh god. Please don’t take him! Please! He didn’t do anything! It was me!”

“Ma’am, please! Get out of the way now!”

 

Noo nnnooo please

“Where are you taking him?”

 

“Shock.”

 

YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH! I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


	15. Episode 15

The taste of rubber in my mouth

Teeth can’t slice into my tongue

Chaffing leather on my wrist

Arms don’t flail around as much

Hands to hold my head in place

Fingernails into my face

Cold room surrounding too many bodies

Warm breaths stifle my quick ones

Needles pressing to my veins

Spreading freezing numbness

But I can feel it all

Every single wave of heat

White electric current

Body convulsing out of my control

Burning

Smoking

Sizzling

Singe

Fingertips are buzzing

Slightly dulled electricity

Crackling around in my brain

Swarming on the memories

Jolting them awake

Jumping them alive

Shocking me to life

Everything goes black


	16. Episode 16

“Mickey, can you tell me how you’re feeling today?”

“When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained. But when I hold you, don’t you know I feel the same”

“I’m sorry?”

“’Cause nothing lasts forever”

“What doesn’t last, Mickey?”

“We’ve been through this such a long long time”

“Do you remember when you arrived here? It has been a while…”

“Just tryin to kill the pain”

“Are you hurting, Mickey? Do you need a nurse?”

“No one’s really sure who’s letting go today, walking away”

“Who walked away from you?”

“If we could take the time, I could rest my head just knowin that you were mine”

“We’ve got all the time you need, Mickey.”

“I know it’s hard to keep an open heart when even friends seem out to harm you”

“Who harmed you? Was it someone here?”

“But if you could heal a broken heart, wouldn’t time be out to charm you”

“I don’t think I’m following, Mickey. What exactly are you saying?”

“And when your fears subside and shadows still remain, I know that you can love me when there’s no one left to blame”

“Mickey, do you know what you’re saying? Are you aware of where you are right now?”

“So never mind the darkness, we still can find a way. ‘Cause nothing lasts forever”

“Mickey, are you getting upset? Are you tired?”

“Everybody needs somebody”

“Okay, we’re going to stop for today…”

“You’re not the only one”

 

“Yes, Mr. Buhrwin, can I see you in my office? Now, please.”

 

You’re not the only one


	17. Episode 17

“Milo, the reason I set up these one on one sessions was to get the boy to open up more, and feel like he could talk. Not so I could hear tape after tape of you showing pictures and listening to your radio!”

“You mean you didn’t enjoy the story about my insane dead wife?”

“Now, Mr. Buhrwin, that’s not what I meant. I’m very…sorry…about all that, but it’s only served to hinder any forward movement.”

“Hinder?”

“Yes. We’ve seen some major improvement on his state, but now he’s just…It’s..”

“Not good enough for you?”

“No, no. He’s started verbally responding now, but it’s just…”

“Well, that’s something different than what you were getting before…”

“He’s singing at us, Milo!”

“Well that’s what you get when you strap him down and plug his brain with over two hundred volts of electricity! Jesus Christ! I’d be singing too!”

“This is not going to turn into one of your ethics debates, Mr. Buhrwin! We’re not here to discuss what happened that night.”

"Everybody needs some time alone…"

"What?"

"Guns N’ Roses?"

"Milo—"

"It’s November Rain!"

"The point is it wasn’t what we had hoped for. I can’t understand it, and I don’t think he even knows what’s coming out of his mouth.”

“What could you have possibly been hoping for that badly to use that on him? It was just a little spilled milk!”

“That he would remember something significant! Not the damn lyrics to some song he heard in your office! You were supposed to be asking him the questions I set you.”

“Why? He gets enough of that when he’s with you. Did you ever stop to think he wasn’t talking because he was just bored?”

“Bored?”

“Yes! Bored! It happens to everyone. I’m experiencing it right now.”

“If he were bored, we have plenty of stimulating activities for him to do. Bringing in your guitar and telling him about your high school Jimi Hendrix cover band is not going to get us anywhere. And I know you brought that dog in!”

“Oh please, Erik. You wouldn’t have know if she’d peed right on your desk.”

“I heard her barking on the tape! We all heard her!”

“Yes, but did you listen to the rest of the tape after I put her back in my car? I bet you it didn’t even register to you.”

“What are you talking about now, Milo?”

“Listen to the tape again, and tell me that’s not significant.”

 

“Did you like seeing Rosey, Mickey? Isn’t she the greatest?”

“I think she likes you. Or it could have been gas.”

“Did you see Dr. Vikrum’s face? What a—

 

“Milo, will you just skip ahead?”

 

—plane about to crash, and there’s only three parachutes. The first guy says ‘I’m a surgeon and I have a major operation tomorrow’, so he takes the first parachute and jumps out. The second guy says he’s the smartest man in the world and that he could develop an invention, so he takes the second. There’s only the priest and the boy left now…”

“No, this isn’t a dirty joke, Mickey. Get your head out of the gutter.”

“Anyway, the priest says he’s old and the boy has his whole life ahead of him, so he tells him to take the last chute.”

“But the boy says there’s actually two parachutes left for them both, because the smartest man in the world took his backpack…”

 

“There! Did you hear it?”

 

“Mickey laughed.”


	18. Episode 18

“You don’t like raisins?”

Please go away please

“I’ll take them if you don’t want them. Give them to me.”

I was thinking about maybe sort of kind of eating those, possibly

“I like the way they feel in my hand and when I bite them. People always think it’s weird to eat them because they’re all wrinkly. Like Mr. Saber.”

That’s funny because he’s old

“Sometimes I feel like a raisin here…”

Okay…

“Because they’re squeezing the juice out of us until we shrivel up and get put in a box that nobody wants or cares about.”

Oh…

“Then I think ‘what if someone forgets about me?’, ‘What if no one wants to eat me when there’s nothing left but dry lines and remnants of my past flavor?’”

Mhm…

“So, that’s why I eat raisins.”

So someone will eat you. I get it. I get it

“No, I don’t want your carrots. I can’t come up with any reason, philosophical or otherwise, to eat those things. Bleh!”

Yeah, bleh! Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh

“You’re funny.”

I know.

“You didn’t mean to hurt Ms. Elizabeth, right? And all the others? Right?”

…

“I believe you.”

Can I have this?

“You want my foil? Go ahead. I don’t like the food here. It makes my stomach hurt really bad. I usually don’t even come to the cafeteria, but you know how they get about eating here.”

I like pudding with cookies in it

“Mable makes the best desserts. She’s nice. I like her.”

Me too. She can’t even look at me anymore…

“What are you making? Can I see?”

No! It’s not done!

“Oh, sorry. You don’t have to. Do you want to see something gross I can do?”

Uhuh

“They don’t like when I do it here. It freaks them out. It’s bad when you can’t see a crazy person’s pupils.”

I can flip my eyelids!

“It’s so weird what our bodies can do. Or not do. I couldn’t get out of bed this morning. And it wasn’t the straps, I checked.”

“That was funny, right? I’m a real comedian. That’s what my little brother said.”

Why couldn’t you move?

“It was so weird not having him around anymore. The woman that hit him didn’t even get manslaughter.”

Stupid

“They had to call the nurses to help me. It was so painful, I kept screaming at them, but they just don’t listen sometimes.”

Sometimes?

“Do you care if I sit here with you from now on?”

…no…

“Okay.”

Here…don’t laugh

“Oh, you’re done? Wow, it’s a skull! That’s cool. You should show it to Mr. Buhrwin.”

No!

“No? You want me to keep it for you?”

…

“Alright. Hey, it’s really cold in here and I’m feeling kind of dizzy, so I’m going to go to my room and lie down.”

But…

“I’ll see you later, Mickey.”

 

Bye Perry


	19. Episode 19

“Hello?”

“Oh! Ms. Elizabeth, how are you doing?”

“Good, good. That’s good.”

“Yes, I was hoping you would have got back to us sooner, but no matter. I just had a few—“

“What?”

“Well, yes. He’s still here…”

“Mhm, I understand that….”

“You would just need to fill out the necessary forms. I’m sure we understood that your staying in the hospital longer than necessary was your two weeks notice…”

“That’s something you’ll have to take up with payroll. Now, if I could just ask you some—“

“Hm?”

“I said you forgave him.”

“Should I have told him what you really said? He was hardly in the right state. I find it’s easier to wash their pills down with a little lie here and there.”

“I see. I apologize. We’re all very sorry it happened. But…I myself have been meaning to get to the bottom of it. If you understand me.”

“Oh you do?”

“Then you won’t mind my asking what exactly happened that day?”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“I’m sorry, Liz. I simply meant that it would be detrimental to the health of the boy, should you withhold—“

“I’m sorry?”

“He has had several other incidents since yours, yes. But I just thought—“

“Yes. It did come to that…”

“No, no! You misunderstand. His actions were fluctuating to the danger of other patients and staff here. We simply did what needed to be done.”

“No, not as punishment. I believed it was the right time to start a different kind of medication. One that would act as a sort of catalyst to his recovery.”

“Well, well…uh… You see, we’re still doing tests now. Any statement I make on his progress would be premature—“

“What some might see as a setback, others see a step in the right direction.”

“Ms. Elizabeth, all I need from you is just an account of the events leading up to your assault.”

 

“Mhm…”

 

“Uhuh….”

 

“Did he seem at all distraught to you?”

“You’re not sure, or you weren’t aware?”

“Go on.”

 

“So you believe he had something against your appearance? Because another staff member suggested that it was a—“

“Who? Oh, no, he isn’t one of our doctors. No. It was just a comment he made…”

“You didn’t see the weapon until he was on you?”

“Uhuh. And what was the nature of his intent?”

“I mean, did his intentions seem to lean towards sexually based harm?”

 

“Are you sure? He didn’t try to—“

“Not necessarily, but in regards to his recent behavior with one of our other patients, I’m beginning to think my earlier theory may be wrong. His leanings suggest a lot to do with some past issues. Mainly the father, but we’re not sure about his—“

“I just mean he seems to prefer male company…”

“Oh, okay. I understand. If you must…”

“I just had one more question before you go, if I may?”

 

“What was the last thing you said to him?”

 

“Four years minimum?”

 

“But that doesn’t make any sense.”


	20. Episode 20

Mickey—

How’s it going? Still crazy?

Of course you fucking are. I told

those fuckers if they ever hooked

you up again, I’d burn that place

to the ground, You should have

heard that asshole stuttering, trying

to explain how it would help you.

He was probably spitting all over his

desk like Mr. Pecker used to do.

Remember him? From when you actually

showed up to school…Anyway…

It sucks I can’t get away right

now, or I’d come visit (if they’ll

even let me in now)

My new job seems to be working

out, but my supervisor is a complete

idiot. All he does is go on the

internet all day. He doesn’t even

know how to work the fucking

coffee machine. But of course,

I do all the menial work

and he takes all the credit whenever

the boss will even listen to him. But the

money’s good. I need it now

Laurin is getting so big. I can’t

believe it. Maybe I’ll bring her

when I come so you can see her,

but that won’t be for a while.

Mickey, what’s going on with you? Why can’t you

just talk to me? Ever since that night you

went berserk in the middle of the Kash and Grab,

I’ve been worried about you. I didn’t know

what to do when they took you away. It was

so scary. Please just try to get

better. They told me you’re doing

good now, but that you still won’t

talk.

Just talk Mickey.

And be good. For me.

—Mandy


	21. Episode 21

“Hey, why weren’t you at this afternoon’s meeting?”

“Hey, Gina. I was in my room praying to baby Jesus, Buddha, and Krishna…”

“Oh God—“

“Him too.”

“What happened?”

“Do you even need to ask?”

“Mickey?”

“Mickey.”

“How bad?”

“Not bad. Just…weird…”

“Robbie, how weird?”

“Are you going to finish that?”

“Yes, I’m going to finish my lunch. Now just tell me what happened!”

“Okay, okay!”

“Any day…”

“Well, he came to my office and just stood in the doorway for, like, ever.”

“Uhuh…”

“I tried to ask him if he needed anything or if something was wrong, but…well, you know…”

“Nothing.”

“But then he came closer and showed me his elbow all skinned and dripping blood everywhere. He was just holding it in front of my face and looking at me with this look, like…he was asking me to fix it or whatever, so I told him to come with me to the lab. And when we got to the hall, Perry was there and his hands were all bloody, too.”

“Mhm…”

“We start walking and—“

“They held hands.”

“Yeah! The whole way, and even when I had Mickey up on the counter. I had to tell Perry to just wash his hands and leave. It was creeping me out, they wouldn’t let go.”

“I think it’s cute.”

“Puppies are cute, Gi.”

“Oh, c’mon, Robbie! You should think it’s adorable.”

“Why? Because I’m gay?”

“No, because it’s freaking adorable! I saw them in the cafeteria together and almost screamed.”

“Anyway…”

“What!”

“Perry said he was teaching Mickey to walk on his hands outside, but he fell.”

“What’s so weird about that?”

“That’s not the weird part. After he left and I was putting a band-aide on Mickey, he grabbed my arm. I thought he was going to snap it in half! I nearly had a heart attack!”

“But he’s been so good lately…”

“I know, which is why I should have been relieved when he just started stroking my arm hair, but I wasn’t.”

“He was stroking your arm hair?”

“Yes! Don’t laugh, Gina! It was fucking crazy! He did it for twenty minutes!”

“Maybe he was just thanking you”

“I don’t know, but when he finally stopped and left, the meeting was half over so I just went back to my room and lay down.”

“Why didn’t you pull away?”

“Make a sudden move around Mickey? Are you serious?”

“I don’t think he would have done anything to you…”

“What makes me so special?”

“You’re a guy.”

“And?”

“I don’t know. It’s something about women that makes him go all Wild Man.”

“And this has been confirmed?”

“Not really, but we’ve all been talking about it. But we’re not sure, because he doesn’t do anything to the women either.”

“Then it sounds more like an individual thing.”

“Maybe. He keeps giving Lenny blank pieces of paper. The other day he gave Maria some jelly beans.”

“From where?”

“I think he gets them from Milo.”

“Ugh. I can’t stand him… I want him to do me so bad.”

“Robbie!”

“What? He’s got a nice body under all those ugly sweaters and corduroy.”

“I guess. If you like that nerdy, hot thing…”

“Mh, he can use me as a subject on one of his little art pieces anytime.”

“You’re too much! What about that guy you were seeing?”

“He can join in.”

“Robbie, you slut.”

“Says you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You do realize Lenny and I spend a lot of time together, don’t you?”

“Uh! I’m going to get him! What did he say?”

“Girl, you got some issues.”

“Shut up! At least I don’t like having my arm hair stroked!”

“I do not!”

“Don’t lie, Robbie!”

“Alright, it was a little hot after I stopped thinking he was going to break it. Sue me!”

“Ah hah! I knew it!”

“Shut up and finish your lunch, Gina, before I tell Lenny you saw Mickey’s junk.”


	22. Episode 22

“So, how did last night go?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Miranda! How was the date?”

“It wasn’t a date! We just had coffee.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“Oh hush, Maria. All it was was two adults, who happen to work together, meeting up to chat and drink caffeinated beverages. That’s it.”

“Yeah, but you two can do that here in the staff lounge. This was at night!”

“Late afternoon…”

“Evening.”

“Whatever…”

“Tell me what happened, girl! I don’t even know how all this started. And I usually always know what’s going on around here.”

“It wasn’t like some huge deal. One day things just sort of clicked and we just went with it. I was a little surprised, actually.”

“Yeah, I bet you were. You being his supervisor and all!”

“Well, that’s why we just wanted to keep things casual. Start slow, you know? Everybody already knows every single thing about Gina and Lenny.”

“Aww, you’re saying ‘we’ already! That’s so cute!”

“Ugh! I’m leaving. I have shit to do.”

“No no! Wait, sit down. I’m a married woman, you’ll have to forgive me if I only see things like this on Lifetime.”

“More like BET…”

“Miranda, the man has jungle fever.”

“I hate that phrase.”

“I mean, can you blame him?”

“What are you saying, Maria?”

“Look at you! Naomi Campbell ain’t got nothing on you. And all guys secretly love when a woman has more power than them.”

“I’m only one step above him…at least that’s what the government says. Yet I feel like I’m two steps behind him, and I’m the one with a Masters.”

“God, don’t turn this into one of your ‘Oppressed Black Woman’ rants.”

“They’re not rants! I’ve been asking Dr. Vikrum for a raise for going on two years now, but the man won’t budge! I haven’t been promoted since I started working here.”

“Anyway, as I was saying, Milo wants to try the chocolate.”

“Let’s not start singing ‘Ebony and Ivory’, girl. It was just the first date.”

“Ahah! I told you it was a date. The first of many, apparently. What’s your dad going to think of you dating a white boy?”

“He’s not going to think anything because I’m not going to tell him, and it’s none of his business who I date no matter what race. And it was still only one date!”

“What did you guys talk about? Did he bring up his wife?”

“Why would he do something like that?”

“I don’t know, sometimes it happens, you know? When they really loved them and can’t quite get the hang of moving on yet.”

“Oh, thanks. Nice to know I’m already competing with a dead woman. I did see a picture of her in his wallet, though, when he paid for the pretzels. She was really pretty. It’s such a shame.”

“Pretzels?”

“It was on the way to my car and he offered. I actually just think he really wanted one. His stomach kept growling during coffee, and he’d get all red. He wasn’t a total wreck, but it was a cute kind of nervous.”

“Oh, Miranda! You guys have got it bad for each other!”

“Maybe…”

“Maybe you can get him to stop wearing those sweaters. Get him some grown-up clothes.”

“No, I like his clothes. They suit him.”

“I guess. Did you at least give him a goodnight kiss?”

"What? Of course not. I’m not some hoochie."

"I didn’t ask if you invited him to the backseat of your car for dessert, I just asked if you kissed him. Do you at least want to see him again?"

"I see him here."

"Miranda…"

"Yes! Okay? I do. He’s really sweet and funny, and I wanted to kiss him! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes. Now, what else did you guys talk about?”

“Work, actually.”

“Oh, Jesus. Seriously?”

“Yes. He gets so into what he’s talking about. Especially when it’s about Mickey. He was totally animated. You can tell he really enjoys his job, even if the other doctors sort of laugh at him.”

“Like you?”

“I didn’t laugh. I just thought it was weird him not having a degree. Now days you practically need one to flip burgers. But he seems okay with it.”

“I just don’t understand how you two could sit there talking about that kid.”

“He’s not a kid. And…I don’t know. He’s so different than any of the other patients. His situation, I mean. And now all these changes in his behavior. I mean, just think about what must be going on in his head.”

“Girl, you’re losing me. I just clean up after their crazy. But I will admit, he’s definitely changed a lot. Especially now he seems attached at the hip to that other boy.”

“Perry.”

“Yeah, him. I don’t get it. They’ve been here the same amount of time, and suddenly they’re inseparable. I just want to know what he said to him to not get killed. Do they even talk to each other?”

“Maybe they have a connection…in their own way. If you’ve seen the way they look at each other sometimes, I don’t think they need conversation. But I think Perry does the same thing Milo does.”

“And what is that?”

“Actually talk to him, not at him. Listen like he’s talking back to them. Act normal, I suppose.”

“But he still doesn’t say anything to anyone. The singing was nice for a while, but what does a person have to go through to not talk for months?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

“And how does any of it tie into that name he carved into his arm, or how he acts with Perry?”

“That’s what they’re trying to find out.”


	23. Episode 23

Mickey knocks quietly on the door to room eight twenty, looking left then right. His bare feet are cold on the linoleum, as he stands waiting to be let in. The door finally opens and a hand pulls him into a darkness that swallows him up. He’s so relieved.

The onslaught of his subconscious flared with flecks of fiery red and pale flesh. Green eyes watched and followed his every move, pulsing bigger and darker every second. There was an explosion, but it was like in a silent film. The sound only crackled around the edges of the pictures swarming with freckles and fingers, threatening to grab hold and suffocate him.

Then all was white and hands were touching his face. He could feel it. He didn’t want them to let go. He was running and running and running through alleys that never seemed to end, brick towering above him and swampy mud below. It sucked at his feet, slowing him down until he was stuck in place, but the fabric he held on to kept moving away until the seams of his arm began to split. His skinned cracked right down the middle, slicing through the mangled remains of a name he couldn’t read. His vision went blurry. Then he was there. Standing in front of him was the only human in the world of shadowy monsters, hooking themselves into his ribs and legs and pulling taut until blood started to seep out. The face was all bloody now. He couldn’t tell who it was anymore; it began to morph into someone new. Something else until it was yelling at him. It was calling his name as he dangled from a cliff that sprang out of the train tracks he’d been strapped to moments before. The boy with no face leaned over him, reaching out a hand to pull him out of a trench full of bodies in uniform, then rolling them down a grassy hill. The sound of familiar laughter echoed behind them, as Mickey jolted awake and ran from his bed.

 

He curled into the body next to him, shoving his sweaty face into the small shoulder. It shivered and shook next to him, but was relaxed and welcoming.

Perry didn’t try to talk to him. It didn’t look like he could, but he managed to say his head was spinning. He looked at him with weary eyes and stroked a hand weakly across his hairline and temple, wiping away the panic of his dream. It was cold. There were already so many blankets covering them, but the boy cradling him in his arms was like an icebox. The numbing affect was nice. He needed to feel skin, though. There were too many layers between them. Mickey climbed on top of Perry, sinking down until their chests were pressed together and his face fit snug against his neck.

Perry smelled so good like sugar and promises and fear. He slowly pulled the covers over their heads, blocking out everything but their breaths sharing the limited oxygen under the thickness.

They didn’t move.

 

Mickey hoped he didn’t crush him in his sleep.

He hoped he would keep his fingers following his spine.

 

Maybe it would keep him from being torn in two.


	24. Episode 24

“I guess you need a little pick-me-up after this morning, huh? I’d be upset too if someone came barging in on some good sleep.”

“They act like they were never young. Getting caught and sneaking around…It’s the fun part of discovering something new.”

“I don’t think they really care about things that might potentially be good for the people here.”

“Imagine how much more proactive it would be if they just let people feel how they want to feel.”

 

“Oh, this is definitely a good song. One of my favorites. Just pure Zeppelin at its finest. He wrote this after the death of his son, and he’s trying to reconcile if he should move on, or if he even could. That’s deep, right? Do you know it? Of course you do.”

 

“Should I fall out of love—“

“My fire in the light, To chase a feather in the wind”

“There you go, Mickey! Keep going”

“For many hours and days that pass ever soon”

“The tides have caused the flame to dim, Is this to end or just begin?”

 

“One voice is heard above the din”

“Nice, Mickey! For me, the cloth once more to spin”

 

“Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time”

“His is the force that lies within”

“Ours is the fire, all the warmth we can find”

“He is a feather in the wind”

 

“All of my love, all of my love, all of my love to you”

 

“All of my love, all of my love, all of my love to you”

 

All of my love

All of my love

All of my love

To you


	25. Episode 25

Where is he?

Why aren’t you here?

I need you!

I need him!

 

Please come back!

PLEASE!

 

TELL ME WHERE HE IS!

I NEED TO FIND HIM!

 

“Mickey, Mickey! Hey! Come on. It’s alright.”

Nooo

“Look at me, Mickey. It’s fine. Stop kicking!”

You have to tell me where he is you have to tell me you have to

“Okay, Mickey. You’re fine. It’s going to be okay. Calm down.”

Stop telling me to fucking calm down! STOP TELLING ME STOP ME

 

“Robbie, let him go. It’s alright. I’ve got him.”

“Milo, what—“

“Mr. Buhrwin, this is not your concern. We can handle him.”

“Clearly you can’t, Hildie! Just let him go! Leave him alone!”

“Robbie, go and get a cart with-“

NO

“No! He doesn’t need it! Just back off! Mickey, come with me…”

Do you know where he is? Tell me you know where he is? Where is he? I have to

“I’m going to take you to him now, Mickey. Hold on to me. We’ll go together Okay?”

Okay okay okay please be okay okay?

“That’s it. Come on. Follow me.”

 

///////

 

Did you hear about him?

Did you hear?

Do you know?

Where was Mickey?

Does he know?

What happened?

What’d they say?

Where is he?

Where?

How?

Is he okay?

Do you know?

Did you hear?

Did you hear about Perry?

Did you?

 

Poor boy.


	26. Episode 26

“Robbie said they’ve been running tests all night.”

“Really? And they still don’t have anything?”

“Nah.”

“It’s so sad. I was doing my rounds this morning and I just couldn’t even go in his room.”

“But it didn’t even happen in there. It happened in the library.”

“I know, but just being near his room…it felt so creepy.”

“Really, Gina? This kind of stuff happens all the time around here.”

“I know, but it was scary. Lenny, I was right there when it was happening. I’ve never seen something like that before.”

“It was just a seizure.”

“Just a seizure? How can you be so calm about this? The poor kid was shaking so bad…”

“I know. I was the one who had to grab him. He nearly took my eye out.”

“This isn’t funny, Lenny! Maria and I were the ones who had to clean up his urine and vomit. I’m really freaking out here!”

“I don’t know why. Gina, they tell us in every single training not to get too attached to these people.”

“These people…”

“Yeah. I mean, look at the way that other kid reacted. The one that keeps giving me those pieces of paper with nothing on them? He had a meltdown. It’s not right to be so torn up over something that’s not even serious.”

“But it sounds serious if they’ve been working nonstop on trying to figure out what caused it. And his name is Mickey. Perry’s been like a light to him.”

“Well, okay. But why are you taking this so personal?”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are, Gi. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I just think it’s terrible what happened. I’m around “these people” everyday, Lenny! I think I’m allowed to feel bad when I see one of them in so much pain all the time! God!”

“Hey, hey! Whoa, it’s okay, Gi. Come here…”

“No, don’t touch me…”

“Oh c’mon, Gina. Don’t be like that. What’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the mater with me? I had to help the other nurses get this boy out of bed every other day. I had to go into his room and go about my business while he’s stuck in bed moaning in agony. I had to bring five extra blankets to put on his bed, because he was constantly shivering like it was sixty below in there. And everyday I would see him walk around like nothing was wrong, when I know it took him twenty minutes just to get down the hall. And seeing him smiling and happy with Mickey these past weeks when he’s been getting sicker and sicker, is killing me. That’s what’s wrong with me!”

…

“Gina, I didn’t—”

“Well now you do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re just trying to do your job. And so am I. These doctors act like the patients here aren’t even human. Like they couldn’t possible want anything but our pity and fear. As if they don’t deserve anything but being treated like children and shocked when they don’t cooperate. Heaven forbid they make a meaningful connection outside their own messed up heads. God help them if they come to terms with whatever has them this way on their own, and just need a little normalcy.”

“Someone to say ‘you’re not crazy, I know just how you feel’.”


	27. Episode 27

“It’s good seeing Mickey so happy these days…all things considered.”

“Isn’t it? They should give that open position to Perry. He’s made more progress in a month than anyone has in a year…”

“But I think you had some part in that. You definitely got the ball rolling.”

“Yeah, my bowl of candy and The Jimi HenTricks demo tapes really made an impact on whether he would strike with a spoon again.”

“That and your winning personality…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah…and I’m not just saying that as your supervisor.”

“Well…I…love kissing you…..and I’m not just…saying that to kiss ass.”

“You already did that.”

“Well did it work?”

“No…”

“Damn. Guess I’ll have to keep trying.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Mhm…”

“Boy, you crazy. But I’m serious. If it wasn’t for the way you’ve been with him since the beginning, he probably would have never opened up to Perry. I mean, he’s actually laughing and smiling now. And Dr. Vikrum seems to be enjoying not getting smacked in the face every other week.”

“But he deserves it…”

“Maybe, but you can’t say he’s not persistent.”

“Can I say he’s a prick?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

“Was Mickey in the ward today?”

“Of course he was. He never leaves unless they make him, but I think they’re starting to catch on that it’s safer to just let him stay.”

“Safer, sure. But I have to say…I’m worried…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, how is Perry doing? Did they give you any updates?”

“They say they still don’t have all the results back.”

“Of course they would tell us that. It’s code for they have no fucking idea what’s wrong with him.”

“So you’re saying it might not be such a good idea for Mickey to be spending so much time with him?”

“I’m all for them spending time together, but it’s just…”

“What? You think Perry might—”

“Given Mickey’s history, it’s just something that has to be considered. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”

“I’ve spent some time in there myself. That kid is a riot. I can see why Mickey is so attached to him.”

“I heard him quietly singing to him, as I walked by one night…”

“I think he’s got a bit of a crush on him.”

“Which one?”

“Does it matter?”

“You think?

“I think I know all the signs. I’ve had one on you since we first met.”

“You did not! Stop lying.”

“I did! I swear. Maybe it wasn’t what it is now, but it was there.”

“And what is it now?”

“You can’t just ask a man that, Miranda.”

“No, c’mon. Tell me. What is this?”

“What do you think it is?”

“Well, I think it’s…something…”

“And I think it’s something, too.”

“And you think it’s something between Mickey and Perry?”

“Maybe not the same something, but yes. It’s something.”

“Don’t let Erik and Hildie hear you say that.”

“Something tells me they’re already trying to make that what it is.”

“That can’t be good.”

“But you know what is?”

“Uh uh…”

“You.”

“Oh! Stop, Milo, that tickles!”

“What? This?”

“Milo! Oh my God! It tickles, stop!”

“C’mere…”

“Mmh…”

“Does this tickle?”

“No…”

“How about …this?”

“Uhhmm…”

“This?”

“Ohh…Milo….”

“I want to go down on you.”


	28. Episode 28

“Have you thought about who you want to fill that position?”

“That isn’t why I called you in here, Hildie.”

“I know that. You’ve just been dragging your feet on this. I should like to see someone already on staff get the job.”

“What are you saying?”

“Erik, Miranda’s been asking you for a promotion for a while now…”

“Ms. Johnson has also been having relations with another coworker. We can’t reward someone like that.”

“Miranda’s done amazing work here. Jesus, Erik, half the staff is fucking! Gina is engaged!”

“Unless we’re going to talk about how her fiance has been letting Mickey out of his room to see that boy, that is the end of the matter. I shall fill the position as I see fit.”

“I don’t see why you insist on him being locked in, now. He hasn’t done a violent thing since the day Perry sat with him at lunch.”

“Are you forgetting how he reacted when Mr. Velazquez had his incident and was taken to the ward?”

“I’ll admit I may have…been wrong to try and get Robbie to drug him, but Milo defused that situation.”

“Yes, Mr. Buhrwin seems to be at the center of all of this.”

“I would say he’s been a major catalyst. He’s done wonders with Mickey…”

“And yet Mr. Milkovich still has yet to utter a single word to him or anyone else. Can you explain that, Hildie? Can you?”

“No, I can’t. I can only tell you what I observe, and I see a boy finally coming out of his shell.”

“Coming out, yes…”

“I thought you abandoned that theory, Erik.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ve ‘observed’ the recent circumstances, as to why I have reopened it.”

“No, I can’t say I have.”

“Mrs. Drescher…”

“Dr. Vikrum?”

“You can’t deny the impact of the boy’s sexuality on his mental state. I should think it’s pretty obvious Mickey is punishing himself.”

“Is that what you think? Is that what all of this has been about from the beginning?”

“Maybe not from the start, but since he carved some boy’s name into his arm and attacked a nurse for mentioning her husband’s deployment.”

“Is that what Elizabeth told you? What did his sister say when you tried to get more information on what went on before that night at the convenient store?”

“She refuses to speak with me after what happened with Mickey’s…impromptu treatment.”

“Shocking.”

“But everything I’ve gathered in my sessions with him has led to there being no other explanation.”

“Except for the fact he hasn’t actually said anything about…being ashamed or however you want to put it. This is so much more than sex, Erik, and you know it. That boy is hurting, and I thought that was what we were trying to help him with.”

“And we are, Hildie—”

“No! No we’re not! Nothing we have done has made any of Mickey’s past come to light. We’ve been grasping at straws for over a year, and frankly, Erik, you’ve got nothing to show for it. When is this obsession going to stop? When are you going to learn that you can’t keep treating Mickey and all the rest like…like…..they’re crazy?”

“That is not what I am trying to do! I am trying to do my job the best way I know how. Everything I’ve done is what I’ve been doing for years, and I’m not going to change because some of you haven’t been heeding all the warnings to never get involved with these people!”

“These people are exactly that. People.”

“I’m disappointed in you Mrs. Drescher. You’ve let yourself start to think they are normal. That they can be helped, but the truth is, they don’t even want it. Half of them are content raving inside their own heads and fighting our efforts at every turn.”

“If that’s what you think, then you’re sorely mistaken. ‘These people’ are calling out for help, and I intend to do all I can to ensure they get it. My uncle had a doctor just like you, and I don’t want to see Mickey end up like that because of your outdated and skewed ideas on what it means to be so devastated by something that you can’t function to the standards of society.”

**Author's Note:**

> Mickey is not speaking. All of his dialogue occurs in his head, which is why it's not quoted.


End file.
